You Can Just Make This Stuff Up

The Huffington Post libels Karl Rove:

Along those lines, former White House strategist Karl Rove has privately contacted House Judiciary Committee Chairman John Conyers to express regrets over his failure to testify about various scandals during the Bush presidency.

"I did the wrong thing," Bush's Brain writes bluntly in a three page confessional obtained by this blogger. "I orchestrated the entire scheme of firing the U.S. Attorneys, and good people were tarnished in the process. I was so full of myself after having successfully outed a covert CIA officer that I simply couldn't see straight."[italics mine]

We're supposed to believe that Karl Rove writes like that? The rest of the post is not satirical, and indeed reports factual events with cited sources, so it's not obviously parody. Can we see copies of this confessional? The whole thing sounds made up.

I'm Not Saying the Guy's Not Qualified...

but I am saying this is really just another bad ploy by the Republican Party.  People, in general are stupid, but please give the American people a ounce of credit.  First, Sarah Palin as an obvious ploy to gain the women's vote after Hillary lost, and now an African American RNC chair to combat an African American President.

It's reasons like this I consider myself an intelligent Conservative, but not necessarily a Republican.

Let Them Eat Cake

The President wants Americans to reduce their carbon footprints, but when it gets cold he's turning up the thermostat in the Oval Office instead of wearing a jacket.

If At First You Don't Succeed, Spend, Spend Again

Republicans, both grassroots and establishment, launched an insurrection in September over President Bush's $700 billion bailout plan, but there has been little more than token opposition to President Obama's $819 billion stimulus package--except for making sure that money won't be spent on zoos, golf courses, or casinos.

Those amendments came from none other than Jeff Flake (R-AZ), a libertarian-friendly Ron Paul protege. I don't know whether to praise these House Republicans for trimming the pork in politically expedient ways, or denounce them for rolling over to the Democratic leadership.

Have an Agenda Lately?

In the first line of a story about Wal-Mart, the New York Times describes the business as "a symbol of scorched-earth global capitalism."

The Shortsightedness of Do-Gooders

Denver is trying to tax plastic bags, at the urging of a group of high school kids. Leaving aside the questionable environmental or economic merits of reducing plastic bag use, the bill will only affect stores that are larger than 10,000 square feet and have annual revenues greater than $1 million. (Whether that's an "and" or an "or" is unclear from the article.)

Prediction: a lot of new stores in Denver are going to be 9,999 square feet and flaunt their bag tax exemption to customers.

The Fourth Estate Talks to Itself

It seems like a national newspaper puts out a story every two weeks or so about nationalizing an industry, despite it being (a) extremely unpopular and (b) politically unfeasible. If you want to suggest nationalization, that's fine... just do it in an op-ed column, not as political nudging under the guise of objective reporting.

Strange Requests

Nevada brothel owners want their businesses taxed--as a sign of legitimacy.

Gratuitous Praise

Honestly, after all the grief we take from Canadians about simply being America, I don't want to hear this.

Split Infinitives and the Oath of Office

Prof. Steven Pinker (who teaches at some school in Boston) offers an explanation for why Chief Justice Roberts altered the Constitution's wording of the oath on Tuesday. Given that it is apparently an urban myth, I'm looking forward to wantonly splitting my infinitives in the future.

As Goes the Campaign, So Goes the Administration

The President orders Guantanamo Bay closed within a year. So... what do you do with dangerous terrorists who their own countries don't want back, and innocent people who will certainly be tortured or killed if they are repatriated? Oh, wait. That would require details.

Tightening Our Belts

When the going gets tough, Americans get going.

No, You Can't

Official numbers from the Obamamania watch:

• Obama t-shirts at lunch: 9
• Students in DC instead of my afternoon seminar: 3
• Professors crying in front of the class: 1
• Televisions in my dining hall showing the inauguration: 4
• My BAC: way too low

Check out this creepy video...fast forward to 3:54. Then move to Canada.

And finally, my favorite image macro to come out of this whole affair:


ETA: Oh, I almost forgot! Full text of Obama's landmark speech...

Barack Obama: Aborting African Babies Since 2009

President Obama may repeal the Mexico City policy as early as his second full day in office. For as much flak as the policy receives from leftist public health groups, fighting HIV-AIDS and providing assistance to Africa were two of President Bush's strongest achievements in office.

2009: Great Depression or Carter Recession?

Larry Kudlow draws a great analogy between the conditions that Reagan inherited in 1980 and the ones that Barack Obama inherits exactly 28 years later. The only real hole is that the global economy was in a better place in 1980 than today, but then again if you substitute China for Japan you have a similar case. (And even then, I'd much rather have a depressed global economy than the menacing presence of the Soviet Union.)

Flatterland

Via Upturned Earth, Matt Taibbi rips Tom Friedman a new one:

Where does a man who needs his own offshore drilling platform just to keep the east wing of his house heated get the balls to write a book chiding America for driving energy inefficient automobiles? Where does a guy whose family bulldozed 2.1 million square feet of pristine Hawaiian wilderness to put a Gap, an Old Navy, a Sears, an Abercrombie and even a motherfucking Foot Locker in paradise get off preaching to the rest of us about the need for a “Green Revolution”? Well, he’ll explain it all to you in 438 crisply written pages for just $27.95, $30.95 if you have the misfortune to be Canadian.

...

...how about Friedman’s analysis of America’s foreign policy outlook last May:

The first rule of holes is when you’re in one, stop digging.When you’re in three, bring a lot of shovels.”

First of all, how can any single person be in three holes at once? Secondly, what the fuck is he talking about? If you’re supposed to stop digging when you’re in one hole, why should you dig more in three? How does that even begin to make sense? It’s stuff like this that makes me wonder if the editors over at the New York Times editorial page spend their afternoons dropping acid or drinking rubbing alcohol. Sending a line like that into print is the journalism equivalent of a security guard at a nuke plant waving a pair of mullahs in explosive vests through the front gate. It should never, ever happen.

The article is profanity-ridden and hilarious; not to mention a long-overdue takedown of one of my least favorite journalists. Read the whole thing.

In which I leave my husband, kill my children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become a lesbian...

It's rare that I agree wholeheartedly with Feministing about something, but...seriously? Spike's list of "The Top 7 Butterbodies" features six gorgeous women and Liv Tyler, who looks vaguely middle-aged but otherwise attractive. (Note to middle-aged women: just kidding.)

Oh, wait. I think I just objectified them. Well, never mind about that "wholeheartedly."

Bad Ideas from the Dept. of Racial Sensitivity

Tonight's dinner in the Yale residential colleges--ostensibly in celebration of MLK Jr's 80th birthday, but also less-than-discreetly a celebration of Barack Obama's impending inauguration--was "Southern cooking themed" according to the Yale Sustainable Food Project advertisements in the dining halls:


Yep. That's fried chicken, grits, and Hoppin' John. Also on the menu were (vegan) collard greens and cornbread. The cheese grits had been labeled "Barack Obama's favorite!" by a member of the dining hall staff. And all this from the university that threw a fit about white kids wearing blackface for Halloween. Nothing really completes your Martin Luther King, Jr. celebration like a big, steaming plate of racial stereotypes.

You Can Stop Feigning Guilt Now

Almost 70% of African-Americans believe MLK Jr.'s visions for race relations in America have been fulfilled. Whites remain "less optimistic": only 46% agree.

Pamela Y. George: STOP SPAMMING US!

The new Assistant Dean of Yale College and the head of the African-American Cultural House, Pamela Y. George, has a bit of a spamming habit. In addition to sending inane unsolicited emails to the entire college--an unethical, if not prohibited, practice--she has made the Yale College panlist a de facto recipient of all Af-Am House mailings. This is the most egregious example:

----- Forwarded message from afam.house@yale.edu -----
Date: Fri, 9 Jan 2009 14:22:45 -0500
From: Afro-American Cultural Center <afam.house@yale.edu>
Reply-To: Afro-American Cultural Center <afam.house@yale.edu>
Subject: Please vote for Kevin Olusola by tomorrow!
To: Suppressed List <itscomm2@yale.edu>

Kevin's piece is absolutely gorgeous. Please help him win!


From: Kevin Olusola [mailto:kevin.olusola@gmail.com]
Sent: Wednesday, December 31, 2008 4:29 PM
To: George, Pamela
Subject: Yo-Yo Ma Recording Competition

Hello, Dean George.

I hope your Christmas was merry and that your New Years will be quite Happy!

I was hoping you could get the word out about a competition that I have just applied for. There is a competition on Indabamusic.com in which a person must make a version of Dona Nobis Pacem. The Grand Prize winner gets the opportunity to record with Yo-Yo Ma, the world's most famous cellist. What an applicant must do is make one's version of the piece Dona Nobis Pacem. The original is on

http://www.indabamusic.com/contests/show/yo-yomacontest

where it says "dona Nobis Pacem (cello solo)". They can listen to that, and then they can listen to my submission with the link below. Mine is me playing cello and beatboxing, called "Beatboxing Cello KO".

http://www.indabamusic.com/submissions/show/4347

Dean George, TELL EVERYONE TO VOTE FOR ME! They can create their own log-in, find my submission again, and VOTE! THe top person gets to record with Yo-Yo. Also, EVERYONE MUST ONLY VOTE ONCE WITH ONE EMAIL ADDRESS. Voting twice will get me disqualified.

Listening to almost every other submission, I truly, truly feel that I have a shot at winning this competition. I would really appreciate your help! Voting ends January 10th, so the sooner they vote, the better!

Thanks,

--
Kevin Olusola
Yale University '10
Phillips Academy '06
B.A. East Asian Studies, Pre-medical studies


Now, I'm not opposed to voting for Yalies in competitions as an act of partisanship. I'm in theory not opposed to cello-beatboxing mashups. But I am dismayed that a member of the Yale administration thinks it's appropriate to spam the entire college on behalf of a single student, or obvious favoritism towards a particular campus organization's membership. What's next, fowarded videos of kittens falling asleep? Invitations to "Pamela Y. George's Largest Facebook Group EVER"? Discount Viagra offers?

We can only hope that newly-installed Dean Miller cracks the whip on her staff to stop abusing the privilege to mail the entire college. Otherwise, I hope Assistant Dean George is willing to email the entire college on my behalf for conservative events, publications, and contests.

Demand This Guy's Resignation

In July, we noted with disbelief that Zimbabwe had introduced $100 billion notes. Now they have begun printing $100 trillion notes, worth about $30 USD. In July the Mugabe regime estimated its own inflation at 231 million percent. The estimated inflation now, calculated by the Cato Institute, is 516 quintillion percent annually.

Barnes Award Nominee*

Fred Barnes lists torture and the Medicare prescription drug benefit as two of the ten successes of the Bush presidency. (He also gets in a few shots at limited-government conservatives.)

* This new award, in true Andrew Sullivan style, will go to the "conservative" we most want to see read out of the conservative movement.

Shameless Flattery Won't Save You Now

Mike Duncan has been soliciting RNC members for donations and signatures on a thank you card for President Bush. I would have written a snarky reply about his "service," but this guy wrote it already.

Tom Hanks: Democracy is "Un-American"

The Huffington Post spends the better part of its existence decrying Republicans who describe their opponents as "un-American," but if Tom Hanks says it about Prop 8 supporters then mum's the word. I guess it's understandable though... after all, there's nothing more un-American than having a political disagreement, letting both sides campaign to the people, then having a democratic vote to resolve the conflict.

UPDATE: You know what else is not "un-American"? Anonymously creating a Google map showing where Prop 8 donors live.

Mr. Obey Wants YOU to Vote for the Economic Stimulus Package!

So much for Andrew Sullivan's belief delusion that Obama's economic gurus would be "fiscal conservatives." I suppose Sullivan will find a way to attack George W. Bush for reckless spending and defend Barack Obama for piling on top of it with $825 billion worth of ineffective stimulus pork.

[Note on the title: A House Democrat named "Mr. Obey"? You can't make this stuff up!]